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  Friday, September 26, 2008 – Permalink –

Substitution Chart

2 lawyer jokes= 1 C bread crumbs

Here's a piece by J. Robert Lennon:

  • 1 C Coke = 1 C Pepsi
  • sunrise = sunset
  • 1 wasp = 14 ants
  • 1 hug = 5 handshakes
  • 1 punch in jaw = 8 middle fingers
  • 1 stomach flu = 10 staff meetings
  • licked by dog = gift of ugly necktie

(more on site)
Substitution Chart

Lennon also maintains a blog with provoking stories:

May 14, 2005

"M. gives V. a birthday gift: a lamp in the shape of a Caribbean woman's head, bearing a large basket of fruit. V. reacts with appropriate enthusiasm, thanking her friend profusely and affectionately.

Six months later, M. happens to be in V.'s neighborhood on a morning when V. is holding a yard sale. The lamp bears a price of one dollar. V. is nowhere to be found, but her husband is manning the cash box. M. buys the lamp.

The following year, M. again gives V. the lamp for her birthday. Confused, V. tries to remember if it was in fact M. whom had given her the lamp last time. At any rate, a wave of contrition causes her to set the lamp up on a table in a distant room of her house and more or less forget about it.

The following year, M. is arrested for drunk driving and calls V. to pick her up at the county jail. V. does so. Her friend is still drunk, and spends the night on V.'s sofa, which V. later finds stained with, apparently, M.'s urine.

It takes a week for V. to throw the lamp angrily into the trash. So unsatisfying is this impulsive act that she actually calls up M. to let her know she has done it. M.'s response is a pause, followed by the words, "What lamp?"

It is at this moment that the friendship ends."

[Edited entry from 6/18/2005]

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<Doug Klippert@ 3:20 AM

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